I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
