I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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