We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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