News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
