okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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