just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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