hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
