i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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