so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
