btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
