i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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