Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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