a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
