I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
