i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
