Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
