I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
