It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
