I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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