You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
