something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
