recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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