I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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