Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
