His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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