Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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