When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize