pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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