so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I will be naked everywhere
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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