I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
