My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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