what day is it and did you see me today?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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