Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
