why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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