i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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