3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
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And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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