What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
