Im at strip club and am horny
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
