Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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