She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
