yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
