My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
