Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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