I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
