i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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