Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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