I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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