Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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