Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
