I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
