No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
