you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
