yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
