Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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