WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
