The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
