so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
