walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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