Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
