I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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