So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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