glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
