I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
