What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
