So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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