my sisters under your porch take her home
Farmville is her only friend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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