Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
