I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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