god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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