The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Let's get the cat blown out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
