Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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