Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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