Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
