i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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