When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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