haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
