And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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