im drinking this country out of the recession.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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